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“Just switch to your other body!”

(This happened a few years ago—)

I was laying in bed around two in the morning. There wasn’t anything extraordinary or unique about that day; if I’m being honest, I was probably just scrolling through my phone in the dark and trying my best not to fall asleep and exact my revenge bedtime procrastination.

That’s when it happened. The space between my lower right rib and my hip started hurting so badly, I couldn’t breathe without it throbbing. That amount of pain and being unable to do anything about it made me have an actual panic attack, right there in my own bed.

Anyway, between the stabs of pain and blanking out in cold sweat, my brain helpfully suggested “just switch to your other body!”

Things I would like to fix about my body:

  • The back pain that is debilitating my core strength
  • The neck that cracks at every angle I turn
  • My hyperextended joints
  • These cramps during periods which takes me out and leaves me wanting to just lie on my bed forever (but can’t)
  • These cramps during ovulation which often sends me wondering if I’m about to have a real shortened cycle that month
  • The soft muscle tone that doesn’t nothing, strength-wise or aesthetic-wise

Out of the list, the first one is something that bothers me the most.

These days I can’t lift heavy weights (my deadlifts are capped at maybe 15 pounds? I’m afraid to go heavier because I can feel my back at the edge), can’t lay on my stomach for more than ten minutes, and can’t sit in my chair comfortably.

There’s a lot of can’ts in my life right now.

I’m also at that point of my (im)patience where I’m thinking that there is no point to any of the core strengthening exercises I’m doing, because I’ve been doing them for a while now, and there have been no real improvement to anything.

Still waiting for my other body, if anyone is wondering.

(Writing this bummer made me a little sad!)

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