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off-kilter.

I haven’t been feeling like myself these past two weeks.

It started with my right upper back (upper right back?); a deep breath felt like something was stabbing at the back of my ribs and for a moment I wondered if it was a pulmonary embolism (thanks, Healthline).

I couldn’t lay on my right side while sleeping. I couldn’t cough or sneeze without wishing I could writhe into a ball of nothingness, wishing I was numb and couldn’t feel it.

My pain tolerance is, I have always thought, pretty low. I think it’s easy to see that now.

Then, as suddenly as it came – I didn’t know what caused it, because I hadn’t been working out in the two days prior to the onset – it disappeared.

Then I got a runny nose the next week.

This means that for two weeks now, I haven’t done the following in a consistent manner:

  • Working out (but for legit reasons)
  • Eating not like an asshole (because Chinese New Year snacks)
  • Hitting my protein goal (because too much snacks)
  • Sleeping on time (because too many things to do before bedtime!!)
  • Reading (because those things that I do before bedtime apparently does not include reading)

This post is also coming a day late, breaking my one-post-a-week thing.

Anyway.

I think I’m in a really weird place mentally, maybe?

I haven’t taken a proper break from work since the start of this super intense project, so maybe that’s the cause. I don’t think I’m (properly) burned out. Maybe just like, an ember of something. Good thing I’m taking three days off the week before Chinese New Year, and hopefully I rid myself of this weird mental space.

(edit: Today is the first day of February, and I woke up to a mild case of food poisoning. I did manage to get a workout done though!)

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  1. Pingback: Slowing down – Jalyn Cai

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