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on the cyclical nature of my own unbecoming

  • Life

Needless to say, it’s been a whole month since the last post, and things haven’t improved.

Actually, it’s been worse — I’ve been stuck in a cycle of being angry, being angry at myself for being angry, and wishing I could take all the lessons of stoicism and Taoism and let it go like water’s off a duck’s back. Instead, I replay conversations and interactions, over-think as I am wont to do, and end up feeling more indignant and helpless than moments before.

To wit: I think the burnout is super real, y’all.

I’m also not sure what is fun for me, anymore. More to figure out when I have some free time, I think.

Either way. I want to be better and I want to do better by myself. Using my own personal laptop for the first time in the past month should hopefully help. Then the week comes by, and I find myself staring at my work laptop screen from 8 in the morning til midnight, and if the ‘work async, not ASAP’ sticker that I keep as a reminder had eyes, it would be my favorite monkey puppet meme.

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